Count it ALL joy....

This will just be a short entry of some things that have been on my mind today. (Don't worry, as I type this I'm uploading pictures of Dawson's first month to share with you)... yes he's 3 months old.. I'm trying to catch up.
Anyway, this parenting thing is a challenge some days. You look at these precious gifts that the Lord has given you and sometimes you want to eat them up because you're so in love with them and other times you want to go run away... far away, and pray they don't follow. This is one of THOSE days. I can't say there is one thing that has caused this behavior, but a combination of several. First, Jake is done with his paci (YAY!) He finally bit the tip right off and well... they don't work so good like that. So the #1 issue is sleep. He's just not sleeping as well so therefore not the most rested happy boy around. 2. He's a big brother now and unfortunately for him that means sacrifice of Mommy time, sacrifice of having his wants met immediately, sacrifice of getting out of the house as often as we use to. 3. Changes in weather 4. Mommy's lack of sleep and slightly shorter fuse.. obviously Mommy's problem, not Jake's, but unfortunately he's at the other end of the short fuse at times. I've had to ask for his forgiveness for raising my voice more times that I would like to admit. All that to say, counting it ALL joy has been a challenge this week.
I'm reading a book now (if you are a parent, it is a MUST READ) called "Don't Make Me Count To Three" It talks about the fact that when we are dealing with our children and their behavior, it is not our child presae that we're dealing with, it's the SIN that lives in them. I mean, admit it, they are sinful little creatures. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child,...." Proverbs 22:15. The behavior a child/person exhibits is an expression of the overflow of the heart. Simply put the heart determines behavior. It's our responsibility as parents to help them discover and realize that sin in their heart is what's causing them to behave the way they do. It's our responsibility to show them their NEED for a savior, their NEED for forgivness, their NEED for CHRIST in their life.
This is where I'm suppose to "count it all joy..." (SO much easier said than done) Because each time there is a need for discipline and instruction during the day, it is another opportunity to point Jake towards Christ. Isn't that our ultimate goal in ALL situations anyway? I need to be thankful to be able to point my child(ren) to the ONE who can change their heart, change their behavior, change their way of thinking, change their LIFE. It's not always easy to remember this school of thought in the midst of the battle, but if I can continue to remind myself of this goal when we're NOT in the middle of a battle then it will be easier to recall when I need it most. Okay... so I kind of got off of the track I was intending to go down. The words and actions that my 2 year old displayed to me today were hurtful... VERY hurtful. It's amazing how words and actions from such a small person can hurt so much. Through it all, I was finding it hard to forgive him. (That's something I've started when time out or whatever is over. We've always prayed and asked God for forgivness, but now I have him ask me for forgivness.) Today it was hard to say, "yes, I forgive you".... because I confess, I was BITTER. This took me by surprise because how in the world could I have a hard time forgiving my child who I would EASILY give my life for?!? Of course I have now forgiven him, but it has caused me to look at my relationship with The Lord and how many times I have disrespected/disobeyed Him through words/actions/behaviors, yet he ALWAYS forgives me.. no questions asked, no hesitation, no second thoughts, no bitterness... just MERCY and FORGIVNESS. How undeserving am I? To think that God KNEW how I would behave, he KNEW how I would sin, He KNEW when I would disobey yet He STILL sent His ONLY Son to die on a cross for me. Humbled and undeserving are the words that come to mind. To think of the way I felt today and the behaviors I was dealing with and the grudge I was wanting to hold, how dare I not give the same Grace that has been given to me. Boy am I glad that The Lord does not deal with me as he should. YES, there HAS to be discipline, and it's not fun, but that's not the issue. The issue is my heart in "dishing it out". Today my child caused me to be that much more thankful for what I have through Christ and His love and Grace towards me.