The second child....

Ya know, when I found out I was pregnant, and probably even before then I was DETERMINED that he would get just as much attention as Jake did.... well obviously I did an awful job at holding up that ideal. I've been going back through posts from when I found out I was pregnant with Jake, all through my pregnancy with him and his week by week posts. WOW... Poor Dawson. I think he got one lousy post while I was pregnant and that was, hey, I'm pregnant. Not even one pregnancy shot of my belly.
So here is Jake and I taken 3 days before Dawson was born.

I will say this second pregnancy was ROUGH to say the least. I just never really got over the nausea and extreme fatigue. Pregnancy does not agree with me. I thought about posting, but just never did. When Jake got to bed at night I was DONE. Gerald as with Jake's pregnancy was a GOD SEND. Not ONCE did he complain about the condition of the house, the lack of groceries in the house, the lack of dinner on the table, having to hear me whine and complain all day every day, the lack of ANYTHING getting done outside of keeping Jake alive and surviving myself. His heart to serve me was humbling. If I needed something, he got it. If I needed him home, he was there. If I needed a break, he took Jake. If I needed sleep, he made it happen. OHH.... and I haven't even mentioned the fact that we moved at the end of March (in my 3rd trimester) and he practically packed up the entire house by himself even though I was home all day.... STILL not ONE complaint. Thankfully he did have help from my parents and some friends when it came to actually moving. He still did the brunt of the labor though.... while I sat... and sat... and sat... and entertained Jake as much as I could. It was an emotional time to move... I wouldn't suggest it, ha! I still miss that home sometimes, but I think it's because we moved in my 3rd trimester and had Dawson right after, I just haven't had a chance to really make this house a home. I did (with the help of my friend Lucilynn) get the boys rooms done pretty quick after we moved, so that made me happy.

So back to Dawson... He is a sweet sweet baby. His smile melts my heart everyday. Ya know, I had a hard time, like most Mom's, thinking about loving another boy as much as I love Jake. Just as people told me though, you just grow another heart.

This was his first real smile and I caught it on camera!! (June 24, 2012)

Our hospital stay was pretty uneventful, which was a nice change from Jake's. First off, I've had several ask if Dawsone also has the Long QT Syndrome. The short answer is... we don't know yet. They did the blood draw for the genetic testing in the hospital, but somehow it was delayed getting sent off and we're still waiting to hear the results. He has had two EKG's and both were normal, so we're hoping that's a good sign. He's currently not on any meds. 

I'm going to try and just focus on his first month during this post. So, we were welcomed home to a house full of cousins! We were SO BLESSED to have my sister and her family DRIVE all the way from Charlotte, NC to spend 9 days with us. If you're wondering where we put everyone, we put the three older cousins (Josh - 9, Caleb - 5 and Ella - 3) in the RV with Grammie and Granddad. Then Aunt Tonya, Uncle Donnie and Erin(18 months) stayed in Dawson's room. (I need to do an entirely different post just talking about the time that Grammie and Granddad spent with us before D was born) Anyway, the kids had a BLAST!! We were worried that they would get bored... and maybe they did at times, but for the most part I think everyone had a great time just being together. Jake ATE IT UP!! He still asks to have his cousins come back and play :-(  Anyway, luckily they were here during fairly mild temps, so the kids were able to spend a lot of time outside playing in the pool, on the swing set and jumping on the trampoline. I can't even begin to list all the ways I was blessed while they were here. They helped with Jake, cooked ALL meals, did the grocery shopping, cleaned my house and took care of me while I took care of Dawson. His first month was rough when it came to sleep. He wanted NOTHING to do with a paci, yet couldn't get his hand/fist/thumb/finger in his mouth either. So it was tough to comfort him at times which broke my heart. He spent a lot of time nursing and wanted to nurse every two hours. The nights were REALLY rough because wanting to eat every two hours equaled Mommy sleeping about 45 min at a time between feedings. He wasn't speedy at eating. Now as I write this I wish I had kept up with the blog because this first month is now a blur in my rearview mirror. Of course I guess not much happens with a newborn, so there wouldn't be much to tell, just cute pictures to look at... so I guess that's what I'll let you see now...

 

Dawson month one from Gerald Miller on Vimeo.

Count it ALL joy....

This will just be a short entry of some things that have been on my mind today. (Don't worry, as I type this I'm uploading pictures of Dawson's first month to share with you)... yes he's 3 months old.. I'm trying to catch up.
Anyway, this parenting thing is a challenge some days. You look at these precious gifts that the Lord has given you and sometimes you want to eat them up because you're so in love with them and other times you want to go run away... far away, and pray they don't follow. This is one of THOSE days. I can't say there is one thing that has caused this behavior, but a combination of several. First, Jake is done with his paci (YAY!) He finally bit the tip right off and well... they don't work so good like that. So the #1 issue is sleep. He's just not sleeping as well so therefore not the most rested happy boy around. 2. He's a big brother now and unfortunately for him that means sacrifice of Mommy time, sacrifice of having his wants met immediately, sacrifice of getting out of the house as often as we use to. 3. Changes in weather 4. Mommy's lack of sleep and slightly shorter fuse.. obviously Mommy's problem, not Jake's, but unfortunately he's at the other end of the short fuse at times. I've had to ask for his forgiveness for raising my voice more times that I would like to admit. All that to say, counting it ALL joy has been a challenge this week.
I'm reading a book now (if you are a parent, it is a MUST READ) called "Don't Make Me Count To Three" It talks about the fact that when we are dealing with our children and their behavior, it is not our child presae that we're dealing with, it's the SIN that lives in them. I mean, admit it, they are sinful little creatures. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child,...." Proverbs 22:15. The behavior a child/person exhibits is an expression of the overflow of the heart. Simply put the heart determines behavior. It's our responsibility as parents to help them discover and realize that sin in their heart is what's causing them to behave the way they do. It's our responsibility to show them their NEED for a savior, their NEED for forgivness, their NEED for CHRIST in their life.
This is where I'm suppose to "count it all joy..." (SO much easier said than done) Because each time there is a need for discipline and instruction during the day, it is another opportunity to point Jake towards Christ. Isn't that our ultimate goal in ALL situations anyway? I need to be thankful to be able to point my child(ren) to the ONE who can change their heart, change their behavior, change their way of thinking, change their LIFE. It's not always easy to remember this school of thought in the midst of the battle, but if I can continue to remind myself of this goal when we're NOT in the middle of a battle then it will be easier to recall when I need it most. Okay... so I kind of got off of the track I was intending to go down. The words and actions that my 2 year old displayed to me today were hurtful... VERY hurtful. It's amazing how words and actions from such a small person can hurt so much. Through it all, I was finding it hard to forgive him. (That's something I've started when time out or whatever is over. We've always prayed and asked God for forgivness, but now I have him ask me for forgivness.) Today it was hard to say, "yes, I forgive you".... because I confess, I was BITTER. This took me by surprise because how in the world could I have a hard time forgiving my child who I would EASILY give my life for?!? Of course I have now forgiven him, but it has caused me to look at my relationship with The Lord and how many times I have disrespected/disobeyed Him through words/actions/behaviors, yet he ALWAYS forgives me.. no questions asked, no hesitation, no second thoughts, no bitterness... just MERCY and FORGIVNESS. How undeserving am I? To think that God KNEW how I would behave, he KNEW how I would sin, He KNEW when I would disobey yet He STILL sent His ONLY Son to die on a cross for me. Humbled and undeserving are the words that come to mind. To think of the way I felt today and the behaviors I was dealing with and the grudge I was wanting to hold, how dare I not give the same Grace that has been given to me. Boy am I glad that The Lord does not deal with me as he should. YES, there HAS to be discipline, and it's not fun, but that's not the issue. The issue is my heart in "dishing it out". Today my child caused me to be that much more thankful for what I have through Christ and His love and Grace towards me.